Come As You Are

I want to level with you: I had to quit smoking tobacco again. I've got about three weeks clean. Maybe I should back up......

Compulsion is in my bones. There's an intense, immutable drive in me to do things fully, and I often joke that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. I get a bit completist in my interests: this is why I've visited all 50 states, and also why when my marriage fell apart I marked the threshold back to singlehood by attempting to practice every pose on this yoga syllabus over four days. I guess you could say I like to go all in.

This is why I can't smoke. Quitting tobacco a decade ago was one of the hardest things I've ever done. If you lean towards compulsion too, you get me. And maybe, like me, you noticed this inner tendency, and have 'healthified' it best you can, by satisfying that need to do and do and do again with ritual, with yoga and meditation, with team sports or therapy or a strong, intimate friends circle. I've cut out just about every self-destructive tendency and poured in spiritual ritual to quench my completist, compulsive inner guide.

And it was really working. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to yoga (asana and meditation), but it's much better for me than the other addictions I've moved through. Which brings me back to the tobacco, and my divorce. Divorce, for those of you who haven't endured it, is an inordinately painful, shocking process of grief. It will shake you to your core, and challenge every gain you've made in your life. It will simultaneously be the best and worst thing that could happen, and it will throw the most devout practitioner into upheaval.

Divorce will enable your escapist coping mechanisms to weasel their ways back into the foreground. So whether it's compulsion or avoidance or a nasty temper, you will likely find yourself dining with your deepest demons. For me, I was hanging out with some friends who 'smoke while drinking.' Fun, edgy I thought. Of course I can have a cigarette with a couple cocktails and get that great little high, and leave it at that, I told myself.

Um, of course I can't do that. Ever. Just a few days after my 'smoking while drinking' experiment, I found myself buying tobacco and then buying more and then all of a sudden I was smoking every day. I couldn't really remember how that happened, but there I was, cozying up with the most self destructive part of myself. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I mean, I own a yoga studio. Smoking cigarettes fits into that picture not at all. So I told my therapist, who helped me to find some compassion for myself. In a weird way, my smoking helped me through a crucible time. Some helping just comes with a big side of hurt. And, once I stopped beating myself up, I was able to set a quit date and stick to it. And, like before, the yoga practice helped so much.

click for Instagram feed

So why am I telling you this? Because I want you to know I'm as imperfect as anyone else. And when you show up to yoga class and feel like you don't belong because you've been struggling with an eating disorder, or a temper that keeps flaring up, or you can't remember the last night you didn't have a drink, and you look around and think everyone is healthier or better than you, and you're not sure you belong, STOP RIGHT THERE. Yoga doesn't need you to be perfect before you show up. You're not obligated to overcome every challenge of life before you step onto the mat.

In fact, that's why the mat is especially relevant for you. The yoga gets it. It sees you just as you are. I don't know any longterm yogis who got there because life was so easy and soft on them. To commit to practice and ritual is to fill a need in life, to establish control where there wasn't enough, to keep the compulsion in check best we can, and to slather self love and radical self acceptance over the wounds of self abuse and hate. Wherever it is you want to go, the yoga can take you there. And the only thing it will ask of you is to come just as you are.

Justicia DeClue is a non-smoker living in Philadelphia. She owns Maha Yoga Studio, and believes yoga is for anyone who wants it. She's been teaching yoga since 2005, and is passionate about its power for healing and building radical self-love. She wants you to follow her yoga adventures on Instagram.

Inside Out

See, the thing is, I'm actually an introvert. It's a bit confounding, even to me, because I have a large, showy personality and a big, extrovert job (teaching public yoga classes to a couple hundred students a week, training yoga teachers to get comfortable teaching in front of groups), but I have a strong need for a lot of quality alone time. And, although I have a bit of a performer streak, and am comfortable talking to crowds, and posting tons of asana pictures on Instagram, I also somewhat eschew public attention and often just want a quiet night in, alone. I like a couple hours each morning for my practices, and prefer a couple evenings in each week as well. 

So when my wedding was called off in a public way--my wedding that was simultaneously a deeply personal, meaningful act and a public gesture--and all of the staff at Maha was informed that there would in fact be no wedding, I found my private, introvert-oriented world crashing into my public extrovert persona in an irreconcilable way.  I was wedged right in between the proverbial rock and the hard place. I had nowhere to go; feeling that I hadn't any agency, and could only sit in the limelight and unravel. It was much like some of my least favorite yoga poses: those sticky, bound seated poses where one finds oneself with nowhere to go but towards deeper breaths. It's nearly invisible work that gives little leverage, but it's the best that can be done in such situations.

Then the yoga reminded me: these moments are the exact ones I've been practicing for: this precise deal of the cards, when I get the hand I want the least. I always have the dignity of how I choose to receive this life, this challenge, this particular rock/ hard place configuration. Like Victor Frankl would remind us: "When we are unable to change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

I was challenged with a lesson that whenever I lean into the thing that is not my silent, hushed preference--that does not come easily--that my insides are screaming 'I don't want,' there is potential for deep growth, healing, transformation there. So when the introvert in me who is always holding it together had to fall apart publicly, I saw myself in entirely new ways. I found the growth edge and cracked wide open. I hated it and needed it all at once. 

So I freaked out a bit in my obsessive yogi way. I practiced the entire yoga syllabus as photographed by Darren Rhodes over four days (all pictures in this article are from that weekend). I rode my bike back and forth across town, binged on too much coffee, baked tarts, pies and cookies, and sat in meditation. I was up before dawn and had a time period where I honestly forgot to eat (and realized what the vatas go through!).  I worked a lot and I dropped the ball. I reached out for support and I drew deeply inside.

And now I'm moving through this situation as so many divorced people have done before me. I'm finding support all around me, especially in the steadiness at Maha Yoga and its staff of teachers and desk help, and I know Maha Yoga will continue to thrive. Turns out it's ok to fall apart publicly and accept the help of loved ones and friends. To turn the inside out.

Justicia DeClue is a longtime lover of life and practice. She is the co-owner of Maha Yoga in Philadelphia. Her acclaimed Instagram feed @justicia_declue documents her #alltheposes yoga syllabus project, which she is teaching as a public, urban retreat in Philly October 9-12, 2015.

Open Your Hips for Real

The tightest part of my body since I began yoga was always my outer hips.  Years of near-daily pigeon posing later, I hadn't noticed significant changes in those stubborn rotator muscles (piriformis, obturator externus), although my knees were starting to hurt.  Poses like padmasana and god forbid yogi dandasana seemed permanently out of the question: instant knee pain and frustration. UGH.

Enter Anusara Yoga, 2007: SITO (cute acronym for 'shins in, thighs out'), which, when applied skillfully, brings the leg bones to anatomical neutral, supports the knees, and holds a useful boundary in the lower legs for opening the outer hips.  It turns out we can only create as much space in the hips as we can maintain strength in the lower legs. Without the lower leg engagement, 'hip opening' can quickly devolve into 'knee injuring' (side note: SITO is half of what started opening my hips for real, thigh stretches is the other part, but more on that later).

SITO is easily misunderstood, so although I often teach the mechanics of it in class, you'll never hear me say "Shins in, Thighs Out," because it is neither clear nor an effective cue.

Let's break it down and learn to apply it so we can open our hips for real:

Tadasana: Stand with your feet sitbone-width (about a fist distance), and point your kneecaps over your 2nd toe base.  To find the first half of SITO ('shins in'), lift and spread your toes, fanning your little toes back towards your outer heels. You should feel an engagement in your outer shins; welcome to your peroneal muscles!  Bring one finger tip to your upper outer shins where the strength is, right where the little crease of muscle is on the outer leg.  With one finger, squeeze in to give the shins a direction, and then pull your fingertips towards the back plane of your body without moving them.  This is the path of the shin engagement (towards the midline, and wrapping to the back body). Now keep your lower legs strong with your knees tracking your second toes, and turn your inner thighs in, press them back, and broaden your hamstrings (this is 'thighs out', which is actually 'thighs turn in, move back, and widen apart,' which as you can see is why 'thighs out' is not an adequate description. But I digress...).

Parsvakonasana (variation): Touch inside your front right leg on fingertips. Sweep your legs towards each other.  Set up your back left leg with the foot parallel to the back of your mat, engaged like a Tadasana leg, which is to say, outer lower leg muscles spinning to the back plane, and inner thigh turning in, back, and widening up to the sky. Now in the front leg, keep your kneecap tracking your second toe as you press your inner knee into your arm to tone your inner thigh. Use the tone of your adductor to turn your inner thigh down and to the back plane of your body. This will free your tailbone so you can lift your pelvic floor, and extend the tailbone down, lifting your low belly and right hip point clearly up off your right thigh.

Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (prep): Come into the pose with your right knee forward, and wider than your hip, with your ankle pointed.  Now spread your right foot's pinky toe down into the mat until there's an engagement in your outer shin. Try sliding your left hand in, underhand-style, to hold the outer ankle and shin up off the ground as your pinky toe flicks down.  With the extra support in your shin, you might feel your outer right hip releases even more deeply, and your right thigh bone descends more heavily. Keep the legs strong and extend long through the pose.  Now stay in the pose and add

Twisted Thigh Stretch: Bend your back left knee and grab it with your right hand.  As you draw the foot in, your left thigh should lift and broaden towards your foot. Bring your heel and butt to touch, and stretch your tailbone down to push out through your legs as you stretch your spine long.

Trikonasana: Right foot forward, engage your legs fully.  Use your forearm butting up against your lower right leg (part of your hand can even be below your shin, instead of next to it) to help squeeze the shin to the midline and spin the muscles down to the ground (back plane). This should help anchor your inner front foot heavy, and set the kneecap over the second toes. Keep that as your tug the inner seams of your thighs back, splashing your upper legs broad into the banks of your shins. Keep it spacious as you stretch your tailbone down, and extend through your crown. 

Lizard (w/arms in Gecko Goalpost): Take a wide lunge, with both hands inside your right front leg, on fingertips. Sweep your legs towards the midline, especially right above the ankle, and spin your outer calves towards the back plane. Into that resistance, lift your back left leg inner thigh and fill the bank of your lower left leg. Turn your front leg inner thigh in, down and wide, so your front leg inner thigh descends heavily; you'll feel your right sitbone move back and broaden with this action.  Keep your front leg inner thigh spinning down and lift your low belly (especially on the right side) and tack the outer seam of your front leg down, lift your deep belly and push your legs longer.  Walk your hands forward and wide, and bend your elbows out to the side like goalposts up on fingertips so your spine descends inside your front leg.

Eka Pada Koundinyasana II: Set up in Lizard as above, then keeping your legs toned and your back leg lifting, bow inside your front leg. Keep your front knee squeezing into your outer arm as you place your hands about mat-width.  Walk your front foot out at a diagonal and simultaneously bend your elbows (leg hugging in strongly!). As you bend your elbows slightly wide like chatturanga, turn your front leg inner thigh down, so your right instep faces the floor and try to lift your back leg.

Malasana: Work with your feet touching, knees wider than your torso. Spread your little toes to fortify the outer banks of your lower legs, and then pull your inner heels back, the inner edges of your thighs back, your pubic bone back towards your tailbone to release your hips. Keep that as you walk your hands forward and bow your torso inside your legs

Bakasana/Eka Pada Bakasana II:  Get so strong through the outer banks of the lower legs that while you're up in Bakasana you can tug your inner thighs back to lift your pelvis higher. This will free your legs up to move some, and you can extend one leg forward (like Tittibhasana). Play with both sides.

Supta Virasana: Do not grab your calves and yank them out to the sides to sit in between your shins.  Instead, press your hands down through the middle of your calves, ironing them flat and snug your tush down inside your toned ankles. Your feet should point straight back, with serious engagement in your outer ankles, right above the base of the shins. 

Low Lunge w/twist: Do it! So your spine is open for:

Maksikanagasana I:  The prep is a potent hip opener, and an important pre-requisite. While standing, cross your left ankle above your right knee like a figure 4, and bend your standing leg deeply as in Utkatasana.  When you look down at your left foot, if you can see the sole of the foot it is a sickled foot (learned this from Zhenja), and you need to fortify the lower leg more, spreading your little toes down towards the earth to lift your ankle until you can only see the foot's instep. When you can keep the banks strong, you can safely open your outer hips: spin your inner thighs in, down, and back behind you, moving your hips back.  Keep your standing leg bent deeply as you sweep your waistine back and touch the ground; this is a great place to pause and work the deep hip opening. As it unfurls, walk your fingertips over to the right, and wiggle your left upper arm into the sole of your foot, as close to the armpit as possible (sit deep, legs strong! bend your standing leg, twist more!), then bend your elbows so you can stand on your upper arm and take flight.  Here's a picture.

Janu Sirsasana: Open your legs wide, to a 90 degree angle or wider with the thighs, allowing your pelvis to turn towards your bent leg.  When you draw the bent leg foot in, the sole of the foot can turn towards the sky like a virasana foot. To keep the banks of the lower leg strong, grab the calf of your bent leg, and spin it up towards the sky, so the muscles squishes up and gets pinned there by your inner thigh. Then, keep that while you manually turn that leg's inner thigh down toward the ground and push it broad. Extend into the pose.  It's remarkable how quickly this clears knee funk and simultaneously opens the outer hip. 

Krounchasana, Bharadvajasana, Triangmukhapaida Paschimottanasana

Padmasana, Simhasana, Kukkutasana: These will free up when you're able to keep your lower legs strong and root your femurs back and wide. When coming into the pose, try manually spinning your calf up towards the sky and physically turning your inner thigh down, back and wide to support the knee. Keep your pinky toe flicking wide as you fold your second leg in.

Yogi Dandasana: Strong shins, thighs back and wide, go for it!

Maksikanagasana III: go for it! 

Vrata: Bind Yourself to Feel Free

Freedom is an inherent gift of being alive, and the way we receive and experience that gift of freedom is by making choices. This means we exercise our freedom by containing it, and making it more bound (less free). So here's the paradox: the choices we make limit our freedom and become commitments that narrow and exclude, and it is these very commitments that are expressions of our freedom. The Sanskrit word vrata is often used for these choices, and is usually translated as commitment, or vow.  It can also be translated as turn, as in when we make a decision, we willingly turn a certain way; we say I'm going down this path, not that.

Sometimes the paths we choose make us feel stuck (like a job we don't really want, or a failing relationship), while other times the decisions we make give us a taste of that very essence of freedom. The question for the yogi isn't whether or not we're going to bind ourselves (we're free, so binding is a given! Every choice binds us, and we'll make countless decisions throughout our life); it's whether or not we're choosing to bind ourselves to things that give us more leverage, and create more freedom for us and those around us, or if the turns we make keep us feeling disempowered and stuck. 

A great place to sort this out is on the mat, in a twisting, turning, binding practice. When we make a clear commitment to the midline in twists, it lines the pelvis and sacrum up for optimal space and freedom.  But if our vrata is less clear, twists can destabilize the sacral area, and we can get stuck, especially in the sacro-illiac (SI) joints. Similarly, binding the arms can literally make it hard to breathe, and can be perilous for the shoulders if done out of alignment.  But, to borrow a phrase from Dr. Douglas Brooks, when we choose to bind ourselves exquisitely, the limited mobility of the arms can enhance the freedom of the breath within. 

Play with it on your mat this way:

High Lunge w/twist: come into a high lunge with your right foot forward, fingertips on either side of your front heel. Expand into the fullness of possibility, free and open in your inner body, then soften down into your feet.  Now sweep your legs toward the midline, and make a vow to hold center.  Bring your right hand to your front thigh, and keep your legs strong as you lift your waistline up away from your front thigh and twist from your left lung open to the sky.  Keep the back thigh strongly lifting and the sides of the pelvis hugging in as you twist (if the pelvis moves with you, it can destabilize the SI joints and make you feel stuck). Then squeeze your right sitbone back and extend out through your legs and turn open to the sky.  Do the other side.  

Lizard -> Twisted Thigh Stretch: be sure when you're reaching for your foot in the thigh stretch that you don't roll in or out on your back knee.  Be clear in your vow, and that will line the leg and pelvis up so you can get a great opening in your quadriceps. Once you're holding your foot, tug on it so energy flows up your arm and your shoulders drift up.  Then, peel your shoulders back and anchor down through your legs as you twist your chest towards the sky.

Parsvakonasana > Ardha Chandrasana > Chapasana: Blast through these poses, and hold the midline strong, especially in transitions.

Salabasana w/shoulder stretch: It's common in these poses where the arms are bound to feel claustrophobic and limited.  Interlace your fingers, and bend your elbows wide with your hands on your sacrum, so you can start with a stance of inner freedom, full circumferential breath in the torso.  Now engage your arms fully, and pull from your fingers UP the arms, so your shoulders lift towards your ears.  As you engage your upper back and stretch the arms straight, make sure your upper arm bones stay lifted on the back plane of your body.  If they dive forward, that will keep you more stuck in the upper back, shoulders and chest, so modify the pose by holding a strap so the bind opens you rather than limits you.

Parsvakonasana, bound:  I love practicing this pose with the fingers interlaced like we just did in Salabasana. If it's too deep to grasp that way, then just hook your fingers, or even dangle a strap in your top arm to hold.  Once your arms connect, before you crank on your arms, PAUSE and inflate the breath in your torso so you start with a fullness of freedom inside.  Then, with your legs steady,  pull from your hands up your arms so your arm bones lift away from your hips (both arm bones should move towards your ears).  Then, keeping that inner lift, engage your upper back to take your shoulders into the back plane and spin your chest towards the sky.  When the vrata is aligned, you'll know because your torso will turn open and the breath will be free. If not, back out of the depth, or use a strap so you vow to bind yourself exquisitely.

Check out my short video on Facebook with instructions for binding in Parsvakonasana.

Trikonasana w/top arm bound: Come into the full pose and expand it freely with breath on the inside.  As you bend the top arm and slip it behind you to hold the top of your front thigh, notice how the bind tends to shorten the top ribs, and tries to smash the shoulder towards your waist (if you can't reach your thigh, bring the back of your hand to your sacrum instead). Use the bind to open you this way: push your forefinger down into your thigh, turning your forearm in as you inhale, and feel for a fullness from your top hip all the way up to your armpit.  Now keep that space and spin your upper arm OUT (inner armpit turning towards the front plane of your body) to re-anchor your upper arm bone on your back. Extend down through your legs and out through your spine.  Now for fun keep the half bind and take it to:

Ardha Chandrasana w/half bind: work the top arm just like you did in Trikonasana.  If you're not able to keep the inner form spacious, then your choice is making you stuck, not moving forward.  Back out of the depth as needed (top hand can be at your low back instead of holding your thigh) so your choice boosts your practice forward, not back.

Ardha Chandra Chapasana, with funky bind: keep the top arm holding your standing thigh and bend your top knee. Looking down at the ground can help with balance (you're free to choose!) as you lift your bottom hand and reach up to hold your top foot behind you. Yes, behind you. Yes, your bottom hand. Kick the foot back into your hand, curl your head back and make sure the breath stays full so even in this most bound position you get a taste of that freedom.

Supta Virasana: This only became one of my favorite poses when I learned how the feet and ankles needed to do big-time midline work so the legs and low back would free up.  When you come into the pose, start in the upright form and make sure your toes point straight back, so the line is clear from your shin through the center of your ankle to your second toe mound.  Spread your toenails down into the mat, and powerfully fan your fourth and fifth toes out until your ankles tone, lift, and commit to the midline.  There should be no gap between your inner ankles and thighs.  A pre-requisite to reclining in this pose is that you can sit upright with the natural lordotic curve in your lumbar spine (top of sacrum must be tipping into your body).  If the low back rounds out, the pose won't open up, and your efforts will actually keep you more stuck.  Prop up on a block or blanket if this is the case, and one leg at a time, manually turn your thighs in, spinning your inner thighs towards the earth, and pull your gluteal flesh back and wide.  Be patient here! Another way to understand vrata as turn is in the way we show up in cyclical behavior round after round, like asana practice.  If we are careless in the way we make choices (and inaction is a potent choice!), our efforts over time may not lead us to freedom. So, turn after turn, as the cycles unfold, every single time we must be diligent to align in a way that opens and frees us. 

Brigid's Cross: This pose is basically Parivrtta Trikonasana laid down on its side.  Set up your legs, right leg forward first. Then engage your legs fully, from your feet all the way into the core of the pelvis, and hug them towards the midline. Keep that vow strong as you come up on your palms like Chatturanga Dandasana, and inflate your back waist to lift your front ribs away from the floor.  Press your back leg left thighbone back into your hamstring as you turn your deep belly from left to right Spin your ribs left to right, and take the turn all the way up the spine.  The more committed you can be in the legs, the deeper the twist (and safer for the sacrum and SI joints).  Stay here, or for an even deeper twist, thread your left arm behind your right hand Suchi Rhandrasana style (like thread the needle). Push into your right hand like Chaturanga and be clear in your vrata: steadily stretch out through the legs as you inflate the back of your left lung to turn your heart open to the right.

Parivrtta Trikonasana

Parsva Bakasana > Dwi Pada Koundinyasana > Eka Pada Koundinyasana I: The more strongly you can commit yourself to the midline in these arm balances (especially in the legs!), the more free and light they'll feel.  Note that the outside elbow should be completely free of the body (meaning it does not tuck under the ribs).  It's just a couple inches free, and hugs in with the strongest vrata to stabilize the poses.  Once parsva bakasana is comfortable, be clear in your vow (midline, midline, midline! legs, legs, legs!) and stretch the legs straight, sealed together out to the side.  Let your commitment carry you all the way into the twisted scissors form (Eka Pada Koundinyasana I), pushing your bottom leg down to float your top leg back with full engagement.  The more you play the edge, the more clear your vow needs to be (arms hugging in so the vrata never waivers, which will help you keep your shoulders lifting strongly).

Setu Bhanda Sarvangasana: Bind the arms just like you do in a shoulder stretch or Parsvakonasana. Pull from your fingertips up the arms so your shoulders float up away from your hips, maximizing that stance of inner freedom in the torso.  Then lift into the pose, and press your head and arms (all parts: shoulders, elbows outer wrists) straight down into the earth to get a powerful lift in the chest. Extend the pose long through your knees, and down into your feet.

Ardha Matsyendrasana (and other seated twists): Be sure to keep the hips square as you turn with a strong midline vow.  If the hip you're twisting towards moves with you (scooting back as you spin), you're likely to destabilize the SI joints and get yourself stuck.  Steady the legs all the way up through the hips and don't let the sit bones budge as you twist and turn your spine into an exquisitely free form.

Marichyasana I, II, III, IV: Now you're so ready for these.  Go for it!

A Blinding Flash of the Obvious (Or Why the First Principle Always Comes First)

I thought of myself as an indestructible, bionic woman in 2007.  As a professional aerialist, I could bench press my body weight, do more pull-ups than most men I knew, and was getting booked by an agent for dramatic shows on my red silks at casinos, art museums and the like.  I was a certified yoga teacher lauded in my Midwestern community as an archetype of strength and fitness. My wife and I had plans to move to Philadelphia that year to further our circus education and teaching careers when my shoulder started hurting. 


What started as a nagging discomfort in my shoulder quickly became debilitating, searing pain. I thought I was simply overdoing it and took some time off from my training. I sought help from a kinesiologist, a chiropractor, and massage therapists.  I tried Reiki and meditation, but got only minimal relief. I had heard about the therapeutic applications of Anusara Yoga, but there were no teachers near me.  I practiced Anusara at home with blogs and podcasts, but knew I needed a teacher.


We moved to Philadelphia later that year, and enrolled in aerial classes, but the brutal pain came back immediately.  I was devastated that I couldn’t finish the first session due to my shoulder.  I left every class in tears, and felt like such a failure.  I, the once-bionic woman, couldn’t do what I loved any more.  The pain was limiting more and more activities.  Aerials were out of the question, and yoga was becoming impossible as well.   I couldn’t drive my stick shift car. Even lifting a glass of water made me grimace.


I started my first round of Anusara Immersions with Sue Elkind and Naime Jezzeny in early 2008.  I was so hungry for the teachings, and I devoured the info as fast as i could consume it.  I read the Immersion Manual and Teacher Training Manuals cover to cover the day they arrived in the mail.  I learned I needed “Side Body Long” and “Shoulder Loop”.  I applied the principles powerfully.  Side body LONG, head of the arm bone BACK.  Some times it seemed to help, but more often it didn’t. 


I was dismayed, and my faith in the efficacy of Anusara’s Universal Principles of Alignment was wavering.  I had been in pain all day, every day for too long.  I felt like I was losing my mind; it literally felt like my arm was going to fall off my body.  As a teacher, I was embarrassed that I couldn’t clear it. The more Anusara I studied, the more my teaching career was really taking off, but my body seemed to be falling apart.  I was becoming sought after for Anusara therapeutics, and it seemed like I was effectively able to share these teachings with everyone but myself.


In Sue’s class one day she came to help me with Urdhva Dhanurasana, (full wheel pose) and she asked me to move my hands more under my shoulders.  I said casually, oh sorry, I can’t, because I can’t bend my right elbow fully.  Why not? she asked. Oh, 10 years ago I broke my upper arm bone, and after it was set, I never regained full range of motion. The doctors and physical therapists couldn’t figure it out. Why didn’t I tell her this when she asked about injuries at the beginning of the training? she seemed so concerned.  I shrugged. It doesn’t seem like an injury to me. It’s just my weird elbow....I’m used to it.....I mean, my elbow doesn’t HURT or anything....and then it hit me all at once, before she even said anything. I heard Naime’s voice in my head: “When one part of the body is stuck, another part will move too much to compensate”......


Like when doing pull-ups as an aerialist: if you can’t bend your elbow fully your shoulder will come out of the socket to finish the movement. With every pull-up, every time I had placed my hands for wheel pose, every time I threw my backpack over my right shoulder, every pose that asked for deep elbow flexion, I was hurting myself. I was re-injuring my right shoulder every day with countless little actions. The truth was (to borrow a phrase from Christina Sell) a blinding flash of the obvious. 

As I dug into the assymetries deeper, I learned that not only had my right shoulder adapted by becoming hypermobile, but my right ribs were shifting to accommodate.  Zhenja LaRosa taught me that if I just first brought my body to neutral, square to the front, then I was setting myself up for first principle.  This had to come before the muscle engagement.  Zhenja taught me how to fill out the collapsed side of my torso with breath, how to fill with the breath FIRST.  I learned to switch gears from ‘side body LONG, head of the armbone BACK’ to ‘Soften. Breathe.’ I learned to go  way back to the beginning again, to the invitation of the breath.


And so I did.  As I got more subtle in my application of the principles, I started to feel kinesthetically what Zhenja was always saying: the first principle holds all the others in an embrace.  I see now I had been doing great, strong muscle action, skipping right over that whole ‘open to grace and receive the gift of the breath fully’ thing.  But of course grace never stopped inviting me to open.  And when I finally moved toward her, and learned to soften, and truly allowed myself to expand my breath towards my full potential, my healing progressed quickly.  

Today, it’s hard to believe how much pain I was in.  Not only is the daily shoulder pain gone, but I feel integrated and empowered, and in a way, even stronger than I was before.  I am practicing poses and doing things I never would have even attempted two or three years ago. Through all my healing, through everything I’ve learned, the transition from daily pain was truly never farther away than a full, deep breath.